Oh how my heart aches these past few weeks and even more these past few hours. It has been a month since I have last posted, finding the time only by the default of the pain of another. My chest has grown more and more tight over the past few weeks. My only sanctuary being that of a warm cup of tea or my head resting on the warm chest of my love, only soon to be taken away by a slumber full of dreams of dreaded anticipations. Exams, readings, hectic schedules, work, all are greatly diminish ideas of hopes and dreams and a good nights rest. Then, my once-thought weekend of rest, began with my fathers agonized body coiled tightly against the bed, waiting for the pain to pass.
All of these things again remind me of the importance of relieving stress and educating one’s self of things worth being educated about. School could never do this for me, but seeing my father shake from the difficulty of passing a kidney stone, now that could do it. These past 48 hours have really reminded me of how sick our dependence on money is. I cannot sit around watching him in so much pain just because neither of us have insurance, or much money. Any amount of money to relieve his pain, I would pay.
I also am reminded that I need to take care of my own body in times like these, so that I may be strong for him and for myself. It is so crucial to be in control of the body, but even more importantly, the mind. I find myself eating well, proper amounts of fruits, vegetables, proteins, but still my body aches. I realize it is difficult to take deep breathes and then I go to yoga. Though I am not particularly found of the Kundalini style yoga, it truly forces me to focus on the mind and to relax the neurons. I need to reevaluate my life once again: find a way to get insurance, find a way to be more stress-free, find time to spend with loved ones, etc.
So, now comes that time of year again. Time to refocus, push through until I reach the holidays. Take walks, meditate, give love, receive love, make love, watch movies, laugh, put gardens to bed, and worries to bed. Writing this, I am already excited for future posts of new Thanksgiving dishes and Christmas treats. I will be back soon my friends with news of joy!